Yesterday Michael posted about The Messy Middle and going through that awkward, “what do I say”, “how do I fix this” stage of an argument with your significant other rather than avoiding it completely. Today I want to piggy-back on his thoughts and talk about being the Hero.
You know that feeling when you fight in your relationship and there is this unspoken tension you both feel but are both terrified to talk about? We have all been there, wanting to resolve the conflict so bad but not being able to bring ourselves to say the first word. Maybe you don’t want to say something first because you are the one who was hurt the most, and you’re feeling insecure. Or maybe he doesn’t want to say something first because he doesn’t feel he did anything wrong.
The reality is that the person who says something first is the Hero. That person overcame their fear and courageously broke the silence. Your relationship being okay is more important than any fight, argument, or “win.” They are standing up for your relationship and assuming strength in you. Assuming that together you will be able to handle the discomfort that comes with finding a resolution and end up on the other side happy, in love, and with a better understanding of one another.
Next time you find yourself fighting with your loved one and that awkward, tense silence comes up. Take a deep breath, remember that they love you, and be the Hero! Or if they are the Hero – thank them for their bravery.
- “I can’t stand not being okay with you. How can we resolve this?”
- “Let’s talk this out and make sure we are both feeling 100% before we move on.”
- Take accountability for your part – there is always something there.
- “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
- “We can just move on and I will get over it.”
- Blame, accusations, judgement.