How to Argue and Overcome Conflict

There are three common ways of arguing and resolving conflict with someone:

  1. Both people play the victim taking no blame.
  2. Both people try to take full blame, victimizing the other person.
  3. Both people divvy up the blame so that one has 50% and the other 50%, or one has 70% and the other 30%, etc.

Obviously nothing gets accomplished with the first two. The problem with the third is most often both people feel victimized to a certain extent. Many times there is a sense that one person is more wrong, and they get a point in the “bad” column. That’s how resentments form.

A New Way

In any situation there is 200% responsibility to be taken.100% per person. When we take full responsibility for creating things in our life we can solve any problem and overcome any argument.

When I’m in a “fight” with Adee, I start out by being caught up thinking about how she’s wrong. Then I slowly start to focus on my part. What did I do to create this? There is literally not a single instance that I didn’t have a part in it.

When something goes wrong at work. I start out a lot of times thinking about who didn’t do their job correctly and why. Then I slowly start to focus on my part. I always find that I haven’t explained the objective properly, forgot some essential piece of information, didn’t train the person the right way in the first place, etc.

It’s amazing how much faster we can reach a resolution when we take 100% responsibility for what we create.

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