The Sacred and the Secular

When you first start dating someone that you really like every moment you are with them you feel connected and fully present. You aren’t distracted by texts and work and the ball game. Every moment with that person is sacred.

If you realize that you still really like them after months of getting to know every little quirk about them, then this is for you.

The deeper into relationships we go the more intertwined our lives become. We make plans together, sometimes really big plans. We get stuff together. Eventually we live together and share an apartment, split rent, pay bills together, etc. Then we may even get married and have kids.

All of these things require secular discussion, which basically means “that which is not sacred.”

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my relationship with Adee is to separate the sacred and the secular.

One of the sacred times for us is first thing in the morning and the last hour or two before bed. At one point, we were in the habit of talking about work, bills, etc. any time they popped into our heads (which is the natural tendency).

After a while we both felt a lack of connection and increased stress in general.

Once we learned about this concept we created rules to protect the sacred such as:

  • No talk of work, bills, or planning in the early morning or late night
  • No phones at the table while eating
  • No phones or talk of work while on a date or with friends (unless it comes up naturally in a conversation).

I encourage you to make your own rules to protect the sacred in your relationship. And follow them! Nothing is worse than making and breaking a commitment.

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