What blocks us from that deep human connection we are searching for whether it be in a new or existing relationship? Fear and shame.
What keeps us from starting to write the book we said we would start 8 years ago? Fear and shame.
What keeps us from quitting the job that we absolutely hate? Fear and shame.
Ask the girl/boy out?
Learn a new language?
Start a new training/diet program?
Finish or maintain a training/diet program?
You guessed it. The ultimate killer of our ultimate purpose, biggest goals, and deepest intimate relationships is FEAR AND SHAME.
We feel unworthy of the love of our companion and/or afraid they will leave us.
We have started and quit the book writing process 50x and no longer believe in ourselves to ever finish it. “It’s such a HUGE project, and I’m already so far behind the plan I set for myself. I’ll just never do it.”
“If I quit this job, I may never find another job. Even though I hate it, at least it’s safe.”
We are afraid of rejection so we ask people out that we think are “safe” choices, or we “wait for them to come to us” and are dissatisfied with the results.
We are afraid we don’t have what it takes to stick to learning a new language, so rather than attempt and fail, we just don’t do it at all.
We don’t start a new training or diet program for the same reasons we don’t start the book or any big new undertaking. We are afraid of failing and don’t trust ourselves to follow through.
We start new programs, do really well, and then self-destruct because we are still ashamed of ourselves. We tell ourselves things like “I don’t deserve this” and “I could never maintain this.” So instead we just give up.
The key to all of these problems, and something that we will talk A LOT about here, is vulnerability.
If you can relate to any of the examples above, even just one, check out this Ted Talk of Brene Brown to learn about the Power of Vulnerability. If you dig it and want to learn more, buy her book “Daring Greatly. We will reference it often.